21 More Limericks

 A naive nominee from Menominee

Ran a campaign of ethics and harmony,

But was outspent and cheated -

As their plan (if completed)

Might have threatened the global economy.

An eccentric old draftsman named Shaw

Was well known for the odd way he'd draw:

Bag on head, crouching pantless

Poised over the canvas -

Raising doubts as to just how he saw.

A librarian prepper named Soames

Was obsessed with preserving his tomes

Laminating each page

For the coming dark age

(Though excluding the frivolous poems)

Born-again adult film starlet Yum

Defends porno: "Offensive to some?

Perhaps - but if cameras can capture

That moment of rapture,

We might finally get Jesus to come!"

As his side gig, a gamer named Jake

Doordashed orders of artisan cake.

Using skills, as he'd drive,

Gleaned from GTA 5,

Leaving corpses and crumbs in his wake.

Every night in his quaint rustic cottage

Yeoman Dan, simple man, eats his pottage,

Stokes the fire and retires -

Until joined by the Squire

For a bit of light bondage and frottage.

In D.C., as the mobs burned the city,

The politicians clucked, "Oh, what a pity!

This violent insurgency

Calls for feigned urgency -

Quick! Someone form a committee!"

Asked her secret to selling by phone,

The call center's quota queen, Joan,

Said: "'Twas my sex line career...

I can't teach it, I fear -

But the trick's in the pitch of your moan."

To a customer browsing the urns

A crematorium salesman, Vern

Said, "This one indicates grief,

And this other, relief -

Just who is it you need us to burn?"

After bedding a maiden most fair,

Debussy, known for romantic flair

Said, "I've forgotten your name -

So if it's all the same

Can I call you the girl with blonde hair?"

When A. Magdelena at last showed full frontal,

J. S. Bach was just slightly disgruntled:

"Dear, I wish that you'd mentioned

Your three part invention-

I'd assumed that you were contrapuntal!"

Though I question the notion of sentience,

And can barely perceive four dimensions,

This facade of existence

Shows stubborn persistence -

Despite my most doubtful intentions.

We're approaching the end of the show

Though from above or within or below

As the planet is steadily

Becoming more deadly

Is the thing that nobody quite knows.

People living their lives on the go

Tit for tat, this for that, quid pro quo

All too clever by half,

And just having a laugh -

They shall reap as they failed to sow.

To a buxom, seductive young actress

The pianist said, "My dear, HOW you attract us!

But my fingers and I

Although eager, are shy -

For I fear we are quite out of practice!"

Said a young feudal farmer named Favel

Of his drafty and poorly-thatched hovel:

"There's no plumbing or heat,

But the rent's pretty sweet -

I pays just a pig and a grovel!"

From the dike, to all those within sound,

Peter cried, "Make haste, lest ye be drowned!

With my finger inserted,

The deluge is averted -

Grab your tulips and get to high ground!"

A disgruntled young bullock named Bud

Declared bovine existence a dud.

"Sure, there's jobs to be had,

And the hours aren't bad -

But it's mostly just chewing your cud."

At the abattoir, on his rejection,

Feeble Ferdinand raised an objection:

"My disease is not me.

Yes, I have BSE -

But I passed USDA inspection!"

Confessed a calf who would never be beef:

"Though my life has been (and will be) brief,

For my own personal veal

To be some rando's meal

As a concept quite beggars belief!"

Egalitarian misanthrope Kage,

Generous in apportioning his rage

Said, "the whole goddamned species

Is basically feces -

Notwithstanding their race, sex, or age."