Point to Point

(Written in mid-2008.)

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
NANCY - in her 30s, talk show host looking
DR. PROFESSOR - in his 40s, conservative looking
ALAN - in his 20s or 30s, intellectual and liberal looking

(scene is a tv studio set - one of those minimalistic affairs with a desk behind which the host sits, a couple chairs and/or a sofa for the guests - possibly a fake backdrop of a cityscape, as is so commonly used. Titles and dramatic music indroduce the show, and we see NANCY behind the desk, DR. PROFESSOR and ALAN in the guest chairs. The general feel is that of one of those annoying, talky, argumentative, substance-less issues shows which bore most of us to tears.)

NANCY: Hello, and welcome to Point to Point. I'm Nancy Baker. For most of us, lines and geometry - if you'll pardon the expressions - aren't much a part of our day to day lives... We are surrounded by, but at the same time quite unaware, by and large, of the angles, shapes, and other odd things that a lot of people find quite uncomfortable to talk about. Well, the last few weeks, there's been a lot of national attention being given to these subjects, and on tonight's show we're going to try to examine them in a very linear way and just sort of see where that takes us. With us today is Dr. Mister Professor, a representative of a very conservative and thoughtful conservative think tank, who likes to take on social issues when he's not tackling completely unrelated subjects like economics and globalization - welcome, Doctor.

DR. PROFESSOR: Thanks, Nancy.

NANCY: You also like sweepstakes competitions, boys gymnastics, and things either spelt with a 'w' or tinted sort of chartreuse, is that right?

DR. PROFESSOR: Yes, Nancy, that's true.

NANCY: And our second guest, Alan Nobbins, who's a freelance cogitator always willing to take an idea down into the mud for a bit of healthy nude debate, and who never minds cleaning up the mess afterward. Alan, welcome back.

ALAN: And a nude and muddy hello to you too, Nancy - let's get those ideas stripping and begin the verbal intercourse, shall we?

NANCY: Actually, Alan, I'd prefer to have discourse, if you don't mind.

ALAN: That's all right, Nancy - you can have discourse with me while I have intercourse with you!

NANCY: Right! Now, gentlemen, as you know there's been a lot of coverage of the recent police raid on the compound in middle America... You know the one I mean - now they call themselves Fundamentalist Line Drawing Scholars, don't they?

DR. PROFESSOR: Yes, that's right - they're an offshoot of the official church of Line Drawing Scholars, but they practice a form of polygony that the main church has renounced, and indeed society at large has deemed to be, harmful, and, and... and detrimental - to the interests of, uh - our goals as a people.

NANCY: Right, polygony - what's it all about, uh, Alan?

ALAN:Well, the FLDS geometrists believe in taking, um, several points, and then, uh, connecting them with, uh, several lines - forming polygons, or shapes

NANCY: Open or closed?

ALAN: Well, both, really.

NANCY: My goodness... (aside to camera) Well, all I can say is, parents, I hope the kids are in bed!(all chuckle)

DR. PROFESSOR: Can I just jump in here? Now, this is all very well to be humorous about, but it really is a very deep and serious matter, especially when we realize that there are children involved. Now, I believe, as do most Americans and indeed most people around the world, that geometry should be between one straight line and another straight line. If we accept that a triangle, a shape formed by three points and three interconnecting lines, is valid - what sort of polygonal arrangements are we next going to have to accept as 'normal'? Where do we draw the line? Squares? Pentagons? DODECAGONS?

ALAN: (snidely) Careful what you say, Mister Doctor - you're about the biggest square I've ever seen.

DR. PROFESSOR: That's DOCTOR MISTER, you Euclidean pervert!

NANCY: Now, gentlemen, let's keep this civilized-

ALAN: Anyway, I don't know what the hell your problem is... Other people's polygony, other peoples non linear relationships don't even concern you, they have NO effect on you whatever, and yet you insist, you insist on trying to legislate!! Why, WHY are you always trying to run - people's - lines? If you don't like complex shapes, don't draw them!

DR. PROFESSOR: My concern is the liberal media - disseminating their propaganda to the children, telling them... "Connect the dots - go ahead, everything's morally relative, just chart it on a set of XY axes... Input your coordinates, do what feels good" and before you know it you've got a whole generation of confused young people, drawing all sorts of mad shapes, and lines, all kinds of new math, and where will society be then?

ALAN: Where it is now, you fool. People DO draw all sorts of mad shapes and lines! Haven't you ever been to an art museum? That's what it IS!

DR. PROFESSOR: Ha - art, he calls it. Well, I don't want my tax dollars going to support something I find immoral.

ALAN: JESUS!!! What is your issue with shapes?? Where's the harm?

DR. PROFESSOR: (staunchly) The harm is to society - AND to the children!!

ALAN: Again with 'the children' - you right-wing firebrands are all the same! Let me tell you, the only reason you're so concerned with 'the children' is you want to molest them, brainwash them, and turn them into cannon fodder and cogs in your heartless industrial machine. Then you go passing your neuroses off on the rest of society, freaking out about other people's private equations, making a big stink about it and causing all us rational thinkers to say to ourselves: 'What - a- moron! What a sick, twisted, stupid, blind, BLITHERING, HYPOCRITICAL MORON!!"

NANCY: Now, Alan, can we -

DR. PROFESSOR: Your trouble, the whole failing of this liberal movement really, is you have no absolute values! You're - you just want to dismantle the whole system and bring society down with your sick, godless ways! All you hippie freaks with your civil liberties unions defending mathematical perverts, and your tree-hugging peace ceremonies and social welfare programs, blindly advocating complete freedom for everyone to do anything and just feel super about it!

ALAN: Moron.

NANCY: (trying to interject again) Gentlemen, please!

DR. PROFESSOR: Oh, and you love to call yourselves 'rational thinkers', don't you? Forward... progressive... You insufferable jackoffs!

ALAN: Moron.

DR. PROFESSOR: You scum!!

ALAN: Hatemongering pedophile.

DR. PROFESSOR: You FUCKING - !!!

NANCY: (frantic) DOCTOR! Really!

ALAN:Yes, that was uncalled for - moron.

DR. PROFESSOR: (apoplectic) You just - don't - get - the POINT, do you?

ALAN: And you're all bent out of shape for no reason. (they go at each other in front of NANCY, fighting and cursing)

NANCY: Well, that's all the time we have on Point to Point tonight - thanks for watching. (she is dragged into the fray)