Introducing... (drumroll) ... "Novel Miseries!"

(initially posted in July 2010)

Hello, and welcome to "Novel Miseries", your new favorite blog!

As with traditional blogs, I follow the ancient and time-honored format of sharing all one's most personal thoughts about, musings over, and reflections upon life (in all its various and glorious manifestations, but particularly as observed and experienced by me, someone incredibly boring, to whom nothing interesting has ever, and God willing, will ever, happen) with a vast audience of people whom I don't know, through a marvel of technological innovation undreamt of in previous decades - and which, heretofore, was impossible to accomplish without a tremendous amount of effort, capital outlay, and determination of spirit - in the hopes that my pointless ramblings may divert you, my (and although this is the first post, you've never met me before, don't know me from Adam, and probably don't think too keenly of me upon initial inspection, I'm going to wager that you will keep reading and shall be so bold as to label you with the following term) Constant Reader(s), from your own paltry and pathos-ridden existences - I know you won't mind my referring to your lives as such, since you apparently have nothing better to do than read my insulting and torturously convoluted writing at whatever hour of the clock it is and despite the numerous pressing obligations which must surely be crying for your (if I've done my job right in the last sentence - yes, it really has been just one long sentence, try to parse it if you can) shattered and fragmented attention... such as it is, or may remain. (Bonus points to all who made it through this first assault on their sanity/literacy)

In short: Imma gonna write about me and my sad, sad, life. It's gonna be boring, excruciatingly detailed, there will be depressingly little levity to make up for the number of stagnant, nihilistic posts, and you're all going to love it. You hear me? YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT!!!!

(on the plus side, for those of you who care about such things, there will be very few typographical errors, as I tend to spell-check rigorously before posting anything. The only humiliations I shall tolerate are those humiliations up for which I set myself... understand?)

As for what, specifically, I shall write about, I really haven't figured that out yet. But, seeing as how everyone else seems to be doing it, I decided to chip in with my two cents worth - or rather, what used to be my two cents worth... these days, what with inflation, devaluation, stagnation, the Federal Reserve, and the Zionist One World Government Conspiracy, it's really only about one cent worth (but don't get the idea that I'm blaming the Jews for that). Either way, I'll be subjecting you all to the minutiae of my warped thought processes and the diseased fruit of my tiny but active brain, and there's nothing you can do about it, except stop reading (which, if you haven't by now, you're probably not going to). That, or you could suggest something for me to write about. Regardless, I'm sure it shall be extremely random... But you guys like random, right? Otherwise, why would you spatula knee fothergill bustier mizzen wimple the smorgasbord?

Well, until such time as the requests start pouring in and the followers begin to amass, I shall merely rely upon my own, fractally-based, internal algorithm for handling complex systems dynamics, and basically write about whatever comes to mind. I mean, as soon as something does. You have to realize, these things don't happen instantaneously, so why don't you go get a bowl of corn flakes, or foie gras, or better yet, both, while I wait for inspiration to strike?