Jesus Stole My Baby

(First-take recording of ANOTHER song I wrote a couple months ago.  Lyrics after the jump.)

One Friday night I met her at a bar

We had a couple shots of R&R

Then I got to know her better

With one hand up in her sweater

A little later in the backseat of my car

Jesus stole my baby from me

Jesus stole my baby from me

One day, while I was on the nod

She took up with the Son of God

Jesus stole my baby from me

She was beautiful and blonde and fully stacked

Compensating for the intellect she lacked

She was really quite the looker

Even though the look was 'hooker'

And her reputation was less than intact

Jesus stole my baby from me

Jesus stole my baby from me

I'm a godless victim of a godly theft-

She got right, and I got left

Jesus stole my baby from me

I don't know what started her

A-hankerin' for that carpenter

Who took the only woman I adored

But He's got Cupid on his payroll

And I'm just a redneck a-hole

A man without the glory of the Lord

My baby used to love to have some fun

She knew how to drink, and how to shoot a gun

We'd get out on the floor and dance

And I'd have one hand in her pants

(and other things before the night was done)

Jesus stole my baby from me

Jesus stole my baby from me

Of all the lilies in the field

He knew she'd be the one to yield

Jesus stole my baby from me

My baby used to laugh at dirty jokes

She'd show her tits and spit and cuss and smoke

She'd sin to her sweet little heart's content

And never wondered what it meant

Until she heard the 'gospel' that He spoke

Jesus stole my baby from me

Jesus stole my baby from me

His lion lay down with her lamb

And Holy wham bam, thank you ma'am

Jesus stole my baby from me

I don't know what she coulda seen

In that no-account Nazarene-

Maybe just that He'd been circumcised down there?

Now she treats me like a pariah

'Cause she's screwin' the Messiah

And I have to ask, was I a fool to care?